In the last blog post I wrote, A Love Letter From My Soul, I shared about how my soul held nothing back and basically told me to "cut the bullshit." It shared about how it wanted to experience life via this physical body. My soul is a creative soul. An artist. It knows how it wants to express, but it is always locked down by me. Once in a while I open a window and let it out, but then I shut it again. Tight. I feel my soul's sadness. I have felt it for way too long. Can a soul actually be sad? I am not sure. I do know when I don't listen to it I am sad. This is why I am starting down this new path of my recovery journey. My creative recovery.
I made the decision last week to sign up for a 5 week workshop at the local co-op art studio, Art and Soul. The series is called, The Heroes Journey. Using movement, writing, visualizations, and theatrical play we will tap into the wellspring of our own creativity and consider life in archetypal terms based on the teachings of Joseph Campbell. We are going to explore our own personal hero journey and learn to recognize mentors, threshold guardians, heralds, shape shifters, and tricksters in our life all while reflecting on the stages of refusing the call to adventure. Awesome. Sounds like a good combo of thought provoking teachings and creative activities. Just what the "soul doctor" ordered.
I'm also connected to two great online resources for creative recovery. I am choosing to immerse myself in the creative energy. I think the combination of the in -person class and the online resources will be a great balance for me. I do not do well just taking "online" courses. I am an earth sign and need the grounding. I need the in person support and accountability.
I would like to share one painting with you and ask you to be a witness. It is the painting that "my soul" mentioned in my last blog. It is very special to me because of the actual process I went through within myself while creating it.
One of my shadow parts is the "perfectionist." This also relates to my first chakra and having to prove my self-worth. It was while I was in trauma treatment that I learned the different sides to perfectionism. The awareness I have gained about it has allowed me to accept this part of me and understand I have nothing to prove. I was not the perfectionist in the way that everything around me had to be in its place and everything I put my mind to got done and was perfect. No. I used to be the perfectionist that was afraid to start anything new for fear of not doing it perfect right away. I used to be the perfectionist that when I learned something new I would expect myself to get it right away. If I didn't I would put myself down and end up quitting. I used to be the perfectionist that would go from 0-60 right away and push and push to make something happen exactly how I wanted it and would literally make myself sick doing it. Just to prove my worth. It would never be enough.
Then I entered treatment and everything changed. I allowed myself to feel that nothing out "there" is going to give me worth. My worth was established from just being born. It is all within.
The following creative recovery assignment I know is not anything new. In fact, I remember someone telling me about a course they took to move through their creative blocks and fear of messing up that was similar to this. This piece was created last August. I documented the process for my own personal reflection. I felt enough time had passed to share it.
Thank you for witnessing.
The Process:
This creative assignment was simply for me to go on a spirit walk in nature. I was to say a prayer before going and ask for the items that wanted be included in my painting to present themselves. The intention for the painting was to keep messing up. When I was getting comfortable with how it was turning out I was to mess it up and create a new layer. When I got comfortable again I was to take it outside and throw it on the ground and rub in the grass and create textures in it. I was to keep layering the painting with texture and let go of any attachment or need for it to be perfect.
It was one of the most freeing, fun, soul connected to heaven summer afternoons I had spent in a long time. I felt alive and whole inside and part of everything. I am not kidding. My soul was free and experiencing. I would like to share that experience via the photos below. There are paint brushes present in the first photo. The only time I used is a brush was to write words. Everything else was me exploring through my hands and a washcloth.
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| My Supplies |
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| Blank canvas and the flinging begins... |
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| Finger Painting |
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| "Fun with my hands and a washcloth" |
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| "My soul starts to speak" |
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| "No Attachments" |
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| "Transforming" |
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| "Layers" |
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| "Completion....or is it?" |
It was a fun experience. I look forward to having many more as I allow my soul and inner child out to play.
I would like to share the full version of what I created for myself and look at everyday to remind myself:
Release Perfectionism
"There is nothing to prove. Just relax and enjoy the simple moments of life. Your worth was established just from being born. There is nothing out there that will ever give you worth. It is all within. It is between you and the divine. No more 0-60 to gain approval that will never seem enough. Approve of yourself. You are enough. You Matter!!"
Let Go and Relax
Blessings,
Kristianna
Check out these two websites for creative sparkle:
http://leoniedawson.com Leonie is a creative Goddess and pure magic! Check out her Goddess Circle..
http://jamieridlerstudios.ca Create sparkle in your life with Jamie!
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