Something amazing happened to me this past Sunday morning. I experienced a magical moment in which I could see and feel the universe celebrating and dancing with me. I am not kidding. It was in this magical moment that for the first time in my life I allowed myself to acknowledge I have a gift. Yes. I know my very existence is a gift. I get that. The gift I am speaking of is a "talent." Something I do well and can share with others.
This moment came when I was in the shower. I had put the finishing touches on a class I was to teach just hours later. I had spent Friday and a good part of Saturday evening restructuring the format of this class that I had taught back in 2011. While I was in the shower I kept running the outline of the class through my head and visualizing the flow of events. As I was watching it play out from beginning to end I was quite taken back by the changes I had made. In the next moment a mixture of confidence and excitement washed over me. It was as if someone else took over my body for a moment. I felt my mouth open and out came the words, "Oh my God, I really do have a gift for designing workshops! Hello, look how many amazing two and three hour workshops you have created. Some of the best ones you have taught were put together in one night. Not only that you are darn good at facilitating and sharing these teachings!"
What happened after that moment was just as magical. You may not believe what I say, but, that is okay I know what I saw. After I spoke those words I looked into around me and saw little flicks of light dancing around. At first I was sure it was due to how I moved my eyes. It is common to see flashes of light when the eyes move in a certain way. No, it wasn't that. After the flickers of light disappeared I tried to move my eyes exactly the same way and nothing happened. Why do I share this? I share it because I want to believe that when I acknowledged something positive about myself the whole universe danced including my energy field.
I have spent most of my life feeling less than. I have had admiration for many women and men through out my lifetime. Some for their talents, some for their confidence, some for their intelligence, and others for how amazingly authentic they live. I have also lived much of my life playing the supporting role in other peoples dreams. This was because for so long I had no confidence in manifesting my own dreams. I had no clue that I had an inner hard drive (subconscious) that was running a software program (belief system/core issues) of "I don't matter and I am not good enough." I literally spent years believing I had no talent and no gifts to offer the world. I would continue to draw in people and situations to reinforce this core belief system. This included a soul crushing experience in my college theatre department days that to this day changed my relationship with acting.
Stating to the universe that I have a talent and really believing it is not normal for me. Let me emphasize the "believing" part. It has been difficult for me most of my life to accept compliments. That is not uncommon for someone who has low self-esteem and low self-worth. It used to be hard to believe someone when they would compliment me on my writing, acting, pastel drawings, or even the rare times I would sing in public.
It has certainly gotten better over the past few years for me. My self-esteem and self-worth has increased because I was fortunate enough to discover the root cause of my trauma. I was also able to get crystal clear about my main core issues. I eventually gave in and discovered ways to change the software (belief systems) that had been running my life. Experiencing that "magical moment" of acknowledging my gift took a lot and I mean A LOT of work and dedication.
I know it was no accident I made those statements to the universe just hours before that particular class. It was the class of the Recovery Rising series that affirmations and mirror work are introduced.
Yes, affirmations!
I'm sure some of you reading this will remember a little skit from Saturday Night Live starring Al Franken as Stuart Smalley. He would sit in front of a full length mirror in a soft pastel yellow sweater and repeat affirmations to himself. Uggh. It was because of that skit that I did not want to even entertain the idea of "affirmation work." Give me a break.
I look back now and can see I was only hurting myself and prolonging the pain within by not having an open mind and being willing to try something new. I was judging something based on a comedy skit from 1991! That is what inspired me to bring up the following questions before we moved into the affirmation part of last Sunday's class, " Why is it acceptable in our society to walk around being self-critical all the time? Why is it easier to walk around speaking negative words to self than it is to walk around repeating positive loving words?" My point is people get uncomfortable when it comes to self-love talk. I know. I have witnessed it and I have also been one of those people. It makes me wonder what this world would be like if we all were comfortable with showering our ourselves with positive loving talk.
We all have the power to change. The change has to come from within and it begins with the words we say to ourselves. The new hair cut, new breasts, last 10 pounds, change of location, new girlfriend or boyfriend will only serve to distract you temporarily from how you feel within and patterns that may need to change. We have the power change our physical body. We also have the power to change our thought patterns.
Louise L. Hay states in her book, "You Can Heal Your Life" that body problems, money problems, relationship problems, and lack of creative expression are all side effects of: Not Loving The Self. One of the first things she would have people do when they came to her for help was look in the mirror and say, "I love and accept you exactly as you are." You can read in her book about how people reacted when going through that experience. Not an easy thing to do. Talk about powerful in the face feedback.
When I read the affirmation, "I love and accept you exactly as you are" part of me still snickers and sees Stuart Smalley. After I get the snicker out I remind myself how strange it is not to flood myself with kind loving words. When I first started this work I had to begin with, "I am willing to love and accept myself." That is how much I was resisting.
There are so many affirmations out there to choose from. If you know your specific core issues/negative thought patterns you can create specific affirmations to shift them. If you have a physical imbalance it is possible there is a negative thought pattern that assisted in creating it. If you are interested in learning more about how negative thought patterns can contribute to physical dis-eases please read, "You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.
If you are new to affirmations and want one to start with I suggest starting with, "I Love and Accept Myself." It is the foundation of self-healing. It will probably feel uncomfortable at first, but, isn't starting anything new? If you have ever lifted weights with the intent of building muscle you may remember the first couple sessions. You may have felt weak and perhaps a bit self-conscious. Your muscles may have felt sore and uncomfortable a day or two after the first workout. You may not have seen bulging biceps right away,but, after a couple of months of dedicated sessions you started to see results. If anyone out there does have a goal of developing bulging biceps be sure to check your motivation behind building them. If it is based on low-self worth then all your going to have is bulging biceps and low self-worth. Think about how many years you have lived with negative thought patterns. It will take time to shift into new ones, but, with discipline it can happen.
As for me I am still changing my inner world. Some days are better than others. I am having more days like last Sunday and it feels good. I have three affirmations I am working with right now and clearly they are doing something right. I write each one out 25 times before I go to bed. If I am in an appropriate place to do so I may also sing them, dance them, and say them when looking into a mirror. I also do something for myself to reinforce the affirmation. When I was all about the love and accepting myself I would do something nice for myself such as take a relaxing bath and cuddle up in a blanket, or, I would take myself out on a date. Yes. All by myself on a date. Heck, I still do those things. Self-love never ends!
It is Valentine's Day week. How about giving yourself the gift of no negative self-talk for a day!
As for me I am looking forward to more magical moments and perhaps one day facilitating an all day workshop!
All I have to do is the next right thing.......and be nice to myself!
Oh, and did I happen to mention the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay?
Another favorite book I mention ALL the time is, "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol Truman
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