My head is literally overflowing with blog posts that won't leave until I get them out. The good, the bad, the bat shit crazy, most of all the recovery. I'm probably going to do the whole 30 day challenge thing but since I have some issues with commitment I am going to just....um.....show up at my computer everyday and see what happens. Little mind tricks I have to play with myself.
I heard a great line from someone in recovery that I am getting to know and loving every minute of it. I was sharing with her how right now in my life I am not sure about anything. I am not really connected to anything, things I once enjoyed don't hold the same interest for me, I feel like I am in an in -between, no mans land zone and it is just plain weird. She said, "It sounds like you are backing up and getting ready to punt." I said, "What?" She said once again, "It sounds like you are backing up and getting ready to punt. You are simply stepping back, gearing up, evaluating, and getting ready for your next move forward." She may not have said it in those exact words but the whole backing up and punting reference was right on.:) I got what she meant and that is how I remember it. Its all part of just be-ing and changing and re-evaluating. I am also going through some intense dietary changes to heal myself of candida too. It just never ends.
Anyways. The one thing that keeps going through my mind besides the voice that tells me, "Get your ass to recovery meetings" is "start blogging again." Oh yeah. I had some interesting conversations in my head with this voice about blogging again. For starters I feel I have nothing to say. Blah. Blah. Funny I have nothing to say,yet, I have a whole list of blog post topics that came flooding out of me this past weekend.
So here I am. In my voice. Embarking on sharing. Yep. There really is alot I have to share based on the past few months of retreating, having a physical, mental, and spiritual breakdown, getting back on path, healing my physical body, and returning my happy rebellious ass to the rooms of Narcotic Anonymous.
Do I share my journey because I need some kind of witness or attention. Hmmmm....perhaps. Who doesn't want to witnessed? Honestly, I have always been called to write a blog. I just have been half-assed about it. Part of my problem is that before when I was writing my blog I was doing it through the voice of someone I was trying to make myself be. Not who I really am. There was nothing wrong with what I wrote. I wrote from my heart, but, something just didn't feel right. I didn't know what it was. I couldn't put my finger on it. Well, I soon did and that is going to be a topic for another blog post....
I have accepted this calling of sharing myself before and I am here doing again. I haven't any profound answers. I don't have great spiritual rhetoric to spout off. I'm just going through this growing process and just trying to figure it out one day at a time. I'm sharing my experience, strength, hope, sarcasm, cuss words, truth, humor, honesty, and humility. Honestly, I don't know shit. I'm still learning. What I do know is life happens one day at a time, one breath at a time, and one kick ass bowel movement at a time....seriously. I mean that last one. You know its true too:)
Stay tuned to Recovery Rising. There is alot of good crazy coming out of my head. For now it is time to get my booty to a recovery meeting.
Blessings,
Kristianna
There is only a fine line between crazy and genius:)
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