A Love Letter From My Soul: Cut The Bullshit and Listen To My Call..

Intuitive Play time at Art and Soul last year.  My first piece..."My soul"

I just got schooled by my soul and it went something like this:

"Enough!  Cut the bullshit!  You know exactly what I am talking about. You can not  keep avoiding me.  I am your truth.  I am the way.  I am your key to the kingdom of heaven here on earth.  I have the answers to what will make you feel whole.  You have opened windows to me several times through out the past year.  Do you remember?  Do you remember the completeness you felt when you allowed yourself to express me through painting?  Do you remember that last painting you did?  I am  that painting.   Do you remember the first Oneness Blessing weekend you attended?  The aliveness and spiritual connection you felt when you allowed yourself to dance until you collapsed into a sweaty pile of tears and gratitude in front of the alter of all faiths.  How about the exquisite heart opening moments that happened when you allowed me to come through your singing?  Nothing else opens the lock of our heart and the door to heaven for us like singing.  Do you not remember the tears of joy that streamed down your face when you were able to play a full song on your guitar?  Why do you continue to deny the parts of you that make you whole and complete?

 The way you have been avoiding my call is by crawling into your head and escaping into yet another spiritual group, meditation technique, or new thought teaching class.  There is nothing wrong with any of those.  They serve you well.  They have been a beautiful part of your healing journey, but, there has to be a balance!  I just can't take listening and thinking about another new concept or way to ascend. You know what you need to do.  Take action.  I need to experience. That is why I am in your body!  The Picean age was about knowledge, thinking, knowing, coming from the head.  The Aquarian age is about experiencing and expressing from the heart and taking responsibility for yourself.  You know what you need to do.  You just don't do it.

Oh, and you need to keep dancing.  Do you remember what you"experienced" a couple weeks ago when I decided enough was enough?  I walked you right out of that spiritual meet up group and back home to dance.  I wanted to dance!!!!   That was the meditation I wanted to experience.  That was the prayer.  That was the connection to the divine that night.   I want to fully experience why I am here on this earth plane.  I need to create.  I need to express my self.  That is all you need to know.  This is what is next on your  path of "recovery."  Acknowledge your artistic soul.  Embrace me.  I have your answers.  Just go within and feel me.  That is right.  Don't think...feel.

I know this past year hasn't been easy.  You have been recovering from some life shattering experiences.  I know the reasons why you have been disconnected from this truth of yours for many   years.  It is okay.  All of the meditation, yoga, support groups, and new thought classes have assisted you to get to this place.  This is part of your rebirth.  This is part of your process of "returning to your original self."  Be gentle and kind to yourself.  If you don't listen to me though, I will take over and trust me it can be at any time:)!"


Infinite love,

Your Soul

Somewhere within me she resides.  I feel her...

This awareness has been permeating my being ever since that night I literally got up from the first part of that meet up group. In the first part of the meet up we tone on each chakra before we go into practicing breath of fire on each chakra.  I literally had to get up and leave after the toning because I felt frustrated and ill.  My friend is the facilitator so I knew she would understand.  I was really surprised by how frustrated I was.  I arrived home and immediately found myself up in my sanctuary that I affectionately call the "Pink Room."  The lights remained off and many candles were quickly lit.  I went to my computer and found my way to one of my favorite blogs.  It is one of my favorites because the author of the blog is living proof  that trauma can be healed and a return to ones artistic soul can happen.  She reclaimed a part of herself, that little girl, that was lost due to years of trauma, anxiety and depression. I often go to her blog because she reflects back to me what I feel lies deep within myself.

She reminds me of that little girl that is buried deep within.  The girl who used to wear tutu's, platform shoes, loved to act, danced in her front yard, danced in her back yard, went by a stage name through high school, expressed herself through clothes, and dreamed bigger dreams than the state of Pennsylvania could hold. I believe she reflects back the frozen parts of many people who are still in the process of "re-animating" themselves after experiencing the affects of trauma for many years.  She reflects hope.  In her 40's this woman reconnected to her love of dance, wearing tutu's, and overall sense of play.  She ended up opening her own women's only movement studio called, Girl on Fire Movement Studio. She teaches Kundalini Yoga, various types of dance classes, encourages women to reconnect to their " lost girl", accept and love their bodies, and just remember how to play.  If I lived there still I would be there as much as I could.  She re-animated herself.


I went to her website that night because she often posts videos of musical pieces and encourages her readers to, "Move to This."   I believe I scrolled through her whole blog playing every video she suggested.  My body could not get enough. It soaked up the dance like dehydrated skin soaks up lotion.    I was fully in my body, accepting and loving every part of it.

My soul was reminding me about how it is here to experience and the need for balance.  Yoga, meditation, classes, and groups are great, but a balance needs to take place.  I need to also feed my souls yearning to express its creative side.  I have been hiding and avoiding it.  I open the window to my soul for brief moments and a rainbow of color bursts out.  I am not used to the beauty and intensity so I quickly shut the window again.  When you live with emotional trauma the world tends to be in black and white.  As you heal colors start to appear again.  It may seem strange, but trauma survivors know what I am talking about.  The path of healing from trauma is like being in the movie Pleasantville.  The more healing that happens the more colorful and vibrant life becomes.  This is my new path of recovery.  What do I need to do to keep the windows of my soul open, and let it flourish. Let in flourish  in all its beautiful rainbow colors!

I encourage students in my Recovery Rising classes to connect to their "inner child" through pastels, drawing, and paint.  It really does take one back to the basics.  Back to an innocence and freedom that gets buried with each passing year of life circumstances.  I also encourage them to connect to their bodies through dance as a way to develop body awareness, self acceptance, and to feel a sense of being alive.  I also teach this because it teaches me.  I teach this so I can continue to recover. Yogi Bhajan said, " If you want to master something- teach it."  Yes.  That is exactly what I am doing.

Balance.  Awareness.  Surrender.  Acceptance.


My soul has spoken loud and clear?  Have you listened to yours lately?  Watch out!


Excuse me now..it is time for me to dance!


If you would like to check out the blog I talked about go to www.girlonfiredance.com. The "Girl on Fire" is Christine Claire Reed.  It is inspiring.