A Photo Journey: The First 10 Days. Proof that Food Heals The Body and Emotions. Its Written On My Face....

 "It is not hard.  Don't you dare tell us this is hard.  Beating cancer is hard.  Birthing a baby is hard.  Losing a parent is hard.  Drinking your coffee black.  Is.  Not.  Hard.  You have done harder things than this, and you have no excuse not to complete the program as written.  It is only thirty days, and it is for the most important health cause on earth-the only physical body you will ever have in this life time."-Whole 30 Program Rules

I have the above quote on my refrigerator along with several other Whole 30 PDF information sheets to keep me motivated.  I literally read that quote every time I go to the refrigerator.  Sometimes it pumps me up and other times I want to throw a fist into the paper.  A reoccurring thought that does come up when I read that is, "Have these people ever been addicts?" "Have these people ever experienced an eating disorder or dis-ordered eating?" Damn straight it is hard to break a food dependency.  I've broken a drug dependency easier than food.  No.  I have never birthed a child but I have read several comments from women who have that have shared that giving birth was in fact easier than going 30 days with eating just whole foods and giving up those emotionally soothing foods.

I embarked on this Whole 30 not to lose weight or to do another body cleanse.  I did it because I need the extra discipline and motivation to keep me from eating the foods that I love but that are harming my body and feeding pathogens that are stripping me of my well-being.  I am also doing this to allow myself to get to another level of my healing process.  I know I have a deep connection to food as source of safety and comfort and companionship.  I also know this is connected to deep unresolved abandonment issues.  I have already touched on this pain within the first few days of eliminating certain foods and trying to break certain routines that are connected to food and soothing this pain.  I have known this pain has been within and have been slowly healing it.  I believe because I have been present to that pain is why this time I am feeling the emotional dependence so much deeper.  Which is good.  I need too.  Yet it is truly painful.

I did not have the energy or focus to start writing when I began on Day One.  I don't generally like to blog about something I am going through in real time as I feel it is important to honor my process.  I am however going to start sharing highlights of my day to day journal which will include awareness's, insights, and information pertaining to gut health and its effects on the brain and depression, emotional trauma and food issues, good food choices to support a recovery program, and of course self-love.

Days 1-10:

You will see below in the photos the outward manifestation of what is going on in my gut and why I had to do this.  Nothing else was getting through to me.  After years of taking NSAIDS (anti-inflammatory over the counter pills such as Excedrine, Advil, Etc) my stomach lining wore away leaving my body unprotected from toxins, food particles, and other pathogens that normally stay in the gut.  They are now running free in my blood stream. This is called intestinal permeability or "leaky gut."   I have also been dealing with an imbalance in my gut flora AKA candida albicans which also has an affect on gut health and body inflammation.  Intestinal permeability (leaky gut) and candida albicans are body imbalances that feed off of each other.  Both create systemic inflammation in the body.  If one is present it can create the other.  Both can contribute to joint and muscle pain, skin outbreaks, emotional imbalances including depression, uncontrollable urges to eat sugar and carbs, IBS, head aches, and a whole host of other symptoms.

I have known about these issues and I had tended to the candida issue last fall but did not stick to it.  It is something that takes a minimum of three months sometimes up to a year or two to heal from.  I gave it just shy of three months and did the old " I am feeling better" routine and fell off of my program.  Eventually my symptoms came back.  I will explain more about candida albicans in a later blog post as I feel it is important for everybody to be aware of- especially people recovering from drugs, food, and alcohol addictions.

I believe my body finally had enough of me not listening to it.  I know it wants some relief from all of the invaders within it.  It would send me signals here and there via food intolerance's, achiness, feelings in my stomach, mood swings, headaches, loss of energy.  It started out gentle in its messages but in the end it spoke loud and clear on my face.

I have always had issues with break outs on my face.  As far back as I can remember in my early 20's I have dealt with break out after break out.  It has always been a part of my life.  I have gone to dermatologists and have been prescribed painful topical medications, I have contributed to my candida outbreak by taking birth control pills filled with anti-biotics, I have had painful glycolic peels done in which I would joke that I was "going to get my face burned off today."  Interesting thing is that nothing ever helped except the birth control with the antibiotics.  Not one dermatologist ever suggested to tend to my eating.  Not one mentioned "gut health" or "gut flora balance."  Not one.

So here is a photo of me taken on day one.  I have no make up on and there are no filters on the photos.  This is now what happens to my face if I eat anything that may irritate my gut.  I will go into all of that in a later blog post.  I wanted to show this because I have no other choice but to listen to my body.  This is why I chose to do this Whole 30 program.  I don't believe my life will change or my skin will completely heal in 30 days.  I am a realist.  I am doing this for education and for supportive tools to help me make these lifestyle changes I need too because I can't do this alone.  It is overwhelming emotionally and physically.

Day 0

Day 0
Words cannot describe how tired I feel here and will continue to feel for the next few days.  Between Day one and four I will discover just how much food has been a de-stressor for me when I get home from work.  I will feel the utter frustration and grief of not being able to "reach out."  I will feel on a whole new level how connected my feelings of abandonment are to food.  I will also dis-cover how my brain has been truly stuck in high beta fight or flight levels and I did not even realize it until I took away my de-stressing food.  I will share more about the neurofeedback sessions this led me to finally do.

I took these photos the night before I committed to starting the Whole 30 program.  I believe I feasted on plenty of chips this day.  Chips are a huge love of mine emotionally...physically not so much:(

Day 4

Going through mornings of waking up with blood sugar imbalances-not fun.  Also having to eat something every couple hours because of blood sugar crashes.  Luckily I have been through this adjustment phase before and knew not to keep any food in the house that would give me an excuse to go crazy eating because of a "blood sugar crash."  I didn't even try to look for my husbands secret stash.  This time I had plenty of fresh cut veggies and avocado dressing to snack on while I would fix my breakfast and deal with the uncomfortable nature of the blood sugar imbalance.  Also bone broth that i am eating to help rebuild my stomach lining is helpful also to get blood sugar rebalanced.  The body at this point is freaking out looking for sugar to burn and the candida is flipping out looking for food which is sugar.  I want my body back for me!

Day 4

Day 4

I tried my best to stand in the same place with the same lighting and of course no filters on the photo!

Day 6
Did I mention that while I was going these initial days I was working in a restaurant. It is one of the many hats I wear:)  I spent the first three days surrounded by everything I could not consume.  So not only could I not eat wheat, grains, sugar, and just about everything else except veggies and meat and sweet potatoes I had to serve all the foods I could not eat.  That means my mind was going through its Rolodex of excuses when my blood sugar would be getting wonky.  "Just eat those home ade chips.  A blueberry pancake would help me feel so much better.  Just drink a coke it will give you the energy to make it through the shift.  You can start again tomorrow."  I pack my lunch everyday.  No flippin excuses.

Day 6
Not much smiling going on this day!

Day 6
I am feeling a bit more calm.  Blood sugar is leveling out.  Body is adjusting to burning fat and not sugar.  Neurofeedback sessions seem to helping my brain to remain calm.  I just had no clue the way my brain was operating was not normal.  I am still pretty irritated at this point but emotionally I am stable.  This is about the time I had my realizations about how my snacking is more about "hiding".   Instead of reaching out to connect and talk with someone I choose to snack.  Why?  It is non-threatening.  It is safe.  My chips won't abandon me. Plus sometimes I just don't want to be around people.  I am an introvert.  Snacking in this way keeps me in the familiar limbo place of dis-empowerment.  If I stay in the struggle between eating what is emotionally healthy and supportive of my body and eating what harms me I don't have to take responsibility.  The yo-yo place is familiar.  Its a emotional struggle but its familiar and safe.

This is the result of six days of not eating gut irritating foods including ALL grains including pseudo grains such as quinoa, millet, amaranth.  I am not eating legumes/beans.  I have also eliminated ALL sugars (I have an extensive list of all the names of different forms of sugars to look out for....its exhausting just looking at it.)  I am also not eating any nightshades including white potatoes and tomatoes and of course NO dairy products and because I am also tending to this candida imbalance I have to eliminate fruit also...except occasional green apples in a juice.

Why would I subject myself to such torture?  A picture is worth a thousand words.  See above.  

All healing begins within.   

No.  This will not be a forever diet.  It is a way of eating that will assist my body in healing so perhaps one day it can tolerate the foods I so enjoy.  It is also a way of eating that will assist me in healing the emotional ties and dependence I have on certain foods.  It is also a way for me to learn more about the connection between the gut and the brain.

I can stay where I am in frustration and misery.  I can pop a pill to cover it up or I can bitch up about it for years.  I am choosing to address it from the inside-out.

  

Day 10  Still Tired
This is where I revisit my main reasons why I even chose to do this besides the obvious I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE I HAVE CHICKEN POX ON MY FACE!
1.  I choose to know what vibrant health feels like
2. I choose to continue to heal this abandonment issue and the part food plays in it
3. I am sick and tired of feeling like my body is attacking me from the inside out (leaky gut)
4.  I choose to build strength in my body through new ways of strength training
5.  I choose to know what life is like feeling energized
6.  I choose to be emotionally balanced through balancing my blood sugar levels
7.  I choose to have the least amount of headaches as possible
8.  I choose to tend to my recovery program by addressing the foods and drinks that could contribute to relapse
9.  I choose to learn how to fix whole food dishes and to make life supporting food choices
10.  I choose tp practice dis-ease prevention by learning how to eat properly
11.  I choose to not be a food source for candida and claim sovereignty over my body

Day 10

Day 10

What is the Whole30?

From the Whole 30 Website

Established by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig (of Whole9) in April 2009, the Whole30® is our original nutritional program designed to change your life in 30 days. Think of it as a short-term nutritional reset, designed to help you put an end to unhealthy cravings and habits, restore a healthy metabolism, heal your digestive tract, and balance your immune system.

Certain food groups (like sugar, grains, dairy and legumes) could be having a negative impact on your health and fitness without you even realizing it. Are your energy levels inconsistent or non-existent? Do you have aches and pains that can’t be explained by over-use or injury? Are you having a hard time losing weight no matter how hard you try? Do you have some sort of condition (like skin issues, digestive ailments, seasonal allergies or fertility issues) that medication hasn’t helped? These symptoms may be directly related to the foods you eat—even the “healthy” stuff.

So how do you know if (and how) these foods are affecting you? Strip them from your diet completely. Cut out all the psychologically unhealthy, hormone-unbalancing, gut-disrupting, inflammatory food groups for a full 30 days. Let your body heal and recover from whatever effects those foods may be causing. Push the “reset” button with your metabolism, systemic inflammation, and the downstream effects of the food choices you’ve been making. Learn once and for all how the foods you’ve been eating are actually affecting your day to day life, and your long term health.

- See more at: http://whole30.com/step-one/#sthash.tKt84N31.dpuf

It is a very simple and direct program that provides an abundance of online information, support, recipes, and the right amount of hard love and discipline that is needed to embark on a journey of shifting ones diet.  It is closest to the "paleo" way of eating but you can also follow it if you are vegetarian/vegan or following an autoimmune protocol such as myself.  It is best if you purchase and read the book,  It Starts With Food by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig.  Alot of what is in the book can also be found on the Whole 30 website but to really jump into the scientific reasons behind why grains, gluten, sugars, dairy, and other certain foods contribute to a host of dis-eases, pains, inflammation, allergies, intolerance's, and hormonal/emotional imbalances that most doctors are quick to prescribe pills for.  This book is simple and to the point.  The Whole 30 program invites you to follow their way of eating for 30 days.  It is to change the way you think about food, change your habits and cravings, change your tastes, and quite possibly change the emotional relationship you have with food and your body.  

Yes you eat food.  Plenty of it.  Meat, seafood, eggs, vegetables, some fruit, and PLENTY of good fats from oils, nuts, and seeds.  Unless you are me and cannot eat nuts, seeds or eggs right now:)

No you cannot eat junk food.  The point of eliminating junk food and all sodas is to regain a healthy metabolism, reduce systemic inflammation, and help you discover how these foods truly impact your health, fitness, and quality of life.  This means no junk.  No sugar of any kind. No sugar substitutes. No sugar alcohols.  No paleo-fying foods or making gluten free versions of your old comfort foods.  NO PANCAKES, cupcakes, donuts, bread, pastas, and just about everything that right now you would probably rather die than give up eating.  

If you sign up for the daily e-mails it is most helpful as they know pretty much what you will feel like on each day.  Thousands of people have gone through this and they have compiled results.  Each e-mail provides support, educational tools about eating, recipes, and organizing and planning meals.  How to navigate restaurants and workplaces.  How to deal with family and social outings and some good old fashioned no-nonsense discipline.

www.whole30.com

Just as I was finishing this post up my husband came home from being gone all weekend and said, "I know you may not feel it but I can definitely tell a difference in your skin and you have a glow."  Yay Day 10!

Onto Day 11 and a many new discoveries I will be sharing about on this journey.  

Thank you for your support!

Depression: A Fight That Cannot Be Won But There Is Something That Can Be Done..

"There is no sun without shadow, and it is essential to know the night. -Albert Camus, "The Myth of Sisyphus"

"He who learns must suffer,
Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget,  falls drop by
drop upon the heart and in our own despair, against our will,
comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.  -Aeschylus, Agamemnon

"One heals suffering only by experiencing it to the full." -Marcel Proust

I am sitting at my desk on a snowy Monday morning here in Nashville, Tn.  Yes.  It is snowing here, finally!  It is peaceful outside as the last few flakes of this long awaited snow storm falls.  Some unfortunate humans have spent the morning chipping ice off their over sized metal tanks they call automobiles so they can make their daily commute into the daily grind. While others spent moments in conflict as to whether or not to use this fine day as an excuse to stay home.  And some did.  I was called off of work. The birds are chirping away outside and the squirrels are catching air from tree to tree.  The animal kingdom unfazed by the fresh blanket of white snow that has brought a hush to the neighborhood.  The squirrels play on.  The birds peck for bugs and worms in the frozen ground.  Nature in perfect harmony.

Meanwhile inside the pink room on Barksdale Harbor Dr……….

I am sitting in my office and thinking about the events of this past weekend and how once again I was reminded of how much:  DEPRESSION SUCKS!  I have not felt in harmony with nature or like running and skipping or chasing anyone from tree to tree.  No.  Not me.  Not for the past few days.

Depression.

I have had to deal with this on and off for most of my life.  I have been on anti-depressants and off of them.  I have explored every conceivable unhealed core issue there is in me.  I have researched the effects of my gut health in connection to my brain as a cause.  I have learned about how depression is a separation from universal love and a call from my soul.  I know certain substances I took in college really messed up my brain chemistry.  I know depression is a call to go inwards and see what needs to be tended to in life that is out of alignment.  I know its possibly frozen anger or unattended to grief.  I know it could be one or all of the above at once.

It doesn't make it any easier knowing any of the above are possibilities.  Sometimes it just plain sucks.

This weekend was bad.  Real bad.  It felt surreal.  I wish there was a word for what the state of being which is feeling 90% numb and disconnected from the world around me and 10% feeling a pit of sadness in the stomach from which I cannot fight because it will win.

I realize there are fortunate souls out there who have never experienced depression.  I am not talking about having an off day because someone or something has made me upset.  I am talking about
D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N.  Only those who have experienced real depression know the pain of what I speak.

This weekend was a reminder to myself about what to do when depression creeps up and takes a hold.  I actually did go back and read my own blog posts from a couple years ago and I must say they were great reminders. Dealing With Depression: Part One and Dealing With Depression: Part Two  The part I needed to be reminded about the most was to:

 LET MYSELF BE DEPRESSED. 

I was not doing that for the first half of Saturday.  I was fighting it.  Also, I was not only dealing with being depressed but I also was dealing with the inner conflict of feeling bad because I was depressed.  The shame of it.  Talk about a war within.

I spent a good part of Saturday morning at the library.  What a shocker  to find myself in the health and healing section reading books on "healing emotions".  I really didn't mean too.  Honestly.  I actually went in to pick up a copy of Wuthering Heights.  I found it and before I knew it I ended up in the self-help section.

Yes.  The self-help section.  I put myself on a self-imposed ban from that section but something led me over there.  I ended up glossing over all the book titles that just seemed to scream at me, "Pick me. Pick me.  I have the answer.  I'll solve your problem.  I'll take your pain away."  I was not in the mood for the latest "flash in the pan self-help guru" book.  No.  There was a reason I was drawn over there and I soon discovered it.  After ample browsing I ended up settling on two books from authors I have never heard of, but, whom laid out the exact down to earth information I needed to hear at that moment of my depression.  So I took them home.

The three things I was reminded of regarding why my depression cycle happened:

1.  I still have unresolved grief

2.  Triggers set off by unresolved trauma from childhood

3.  Eating food I shouldn't causing depression via a serotonin/flora imbalance in my gut

My friend who is going through a cycle of depression herself texted me and shared something really helpful.  It also was in alignment with a chapter of a book I am reading.  This chapter talks about triggers and how to build a bridge between  unresolved inner child wounds from the past and the present reality of the adult in the present.

This is what my friend shared:

"In depression I am overly sensitive.  I just keep getting my feelings hurt.  I'll need to decide what is real and what is not when I am feeling better."

I totally got that.  For me, when I get triggered it is hard for me to know what is real and in the present moment and what is the perception of my wounded inner child taking me back to a pocket of time that holds unresolved pain.  The subconscious does not know linear time.  So if something triggers me and I have not healed that part of me I will be taken right back to the original pain and that age.  I will regress emotionally.  If I am to far into a depression it is hard for me to distinguish between what is the past (my wounded inner child perception) and what is reality (the adult perception of now).

As the depression lessens I can better distinguish:  "Am I feeling and seeing through the eyes of my wounded inner child (the past) or the eyes of an adult (the present)?"

I do know the best tool for me to use the other day was to: Let myself be depressed.  Once I consciously surrendered to the depression I then allowed myself to share with my husband that I was f'in depressed.  After that I  went upstairs and laid down with my cat and just allowed myself to stare at the wall and be depressed.  Believe it or not in the surrender I was then able to feel a sense of peace.  Not shame for being depressed..but peace.  I didn't try to apply any other tools.  I just surrendered for that day.

The next day I felt the same but was more of a willingness to do something.  I put some essential oils that are recommended for depression in my diffuser and applied them on my body.  I allowed myself to connect to my breath, turned on the music, and allowed my body to move.  I didn't force it.  I allowed it to express what it needed through dance and it didn't fail me. It certainly moved out some deep, stuck energy out through my dance.  I then went and attended a 12 step meeting, and after that went to a Kundalini Yoga class.

I never forced anything.  After I surrendered to allowing myself to be depressed something inside of me knew it was going to be alright….eventually.

There are so many possible reasons people experience depression.  No two people experience depression the same and no two people are going to deal with it exactly the same.  Someone may read this and think I am full of shit.  Which is fine.  This is my experience.  You will have a different one.  I can share tools that have worked for me and perhaps they may help others.  I don't know.  That is not for me to say.  What I do want say is this:  If anyone is suffering from depression right now just SURRENDER to it.  Please don't add anymore shame or inner conflict to your life.  Let it be.  You have to feel it if you want to heal it.   No matter how much you try to fight the reality of it you won't win.  Cultivate acceptance.  One breath at a time.  One day at a time.

I will end this blog with an excerpt from one of the two books that spoke to me this weekend:

Surrendering:  TO LET IT GO, YOU HAVE TO LET IT FLOW

Surrendering is an extension of befriending emotional energy.  It is about allowing emotional energy to flow to its end point.  Surrender is not about becoming passive and saying, "What the hell-I don't give a damn what happens anymore, so I'll just drink this quart of scotch and slobber in my sorrow."  It doesn't mean letting go of your senses or your awareness.  It means  being fully present to emotional energy and letting it pass through your body until it is gone.  A basic axiom of surrender is:  To let it go you have to let it flow.  You can't let go of a dark emotion until you have fully experienced its truth.

-Healing Through The Dark Emotions:  The Wisdom of grief, fear, and despair by Miriam Greenspan

Depression is a call from the soul to learn a deeper truth about self.  First we have to befriend it and listen.  Even if there is only numbness there still is a message.  It's up to you to find your personal way of receiving it.

I am going to go back to watching the squirrels now and enjoy the quiet snow.  There is such peace in the constant of nature.

Be kind to yourself.

Truly.

It will pass.  Nothing in nature stays the same.

The Gifts of A Journal: A Must Have Tool When Embarking On A Journey To Your True Self!

Journal:  1. a personal  record of occurrences, experiences, and reflections kept on a daily basis; 2. a diary

Journey:  1. to travel over or through  2. a traveling from one place to another  3. a distance, course or area traveled 

It is interesting that there is only a two letter difference between the above two words.  Embarking on a self-healing or any type of transformational journey takes a person from one place within themselves to another.  A journey to your true self requires travel through many layers that were created over much time.  A journal is a priceless tool to have while on your inner travels.  It is a friend, a compass, a reference, and a map to finding the treasure which is your truth.  Your authentic, I Am, self.

Journaling has been a part of my life for as far back as I can remember.  I have hazy early memories of the small diaries I would receive at Christmas time that would come with a lock and those itty -bitty keys to open them.  I loved those diaries.  I loved the fact that they had a lock on them.  I mean let's be honest anyone with determination and a bobby pin could open one of those diaries, but, that was not the point.  The point was to my pre- teen and teenage self this was a part of my world that was all mine. The lock was symbolic. This was where I could be me, fully and completely.  I could share with my diary all of my secret middle school boy crushes, how frustrated I was at my mom for not letting me stay the night at my best friends, or allow its comforting pages to collect my salt water tears from the pain of feeling so ugly, different, and utterly alone for so many years.

My diaries have changed throughout the years.  In fact I believe when I stopped calling it a diary and began calling it a journal is when I graduated to the more "adult" version.  I remember going through a phase when I had to be all grown up and therefore I needed a Barnes and Nobles- esque Moleskin type journal.  Very boring.  Very uninspiring.  Sorta like what happens when you lose touch with your inner child.  When you succumb to the belief that you have to be grown up all the time.  When play time becomes a luxury and not a necessity.  That phase lasted for a while.  Painful.

I have saved almost all of my journals from right out of high school until today.  Unfortunately some of those journals have been lost due to many different moves I have made to different parts of the United States.  If I go into my shed today I still have a big box full of journals.  I can open one at any time and be taken back to a certain period of my life.  It is actually fascinating.  Sometimes I cringe.  Sometimes  I laugh.  Sometimes I wonder who the person was writing at that time because she doesn't sound like me.  Sometimes I can read where I haven't changed in some areas.  Other times I read about the areas of my life I have changed.  Sometimes I get to remember something I otherwise forgot or chose to purposefully forget:)  Sometimes I smile because I can read where I came from and stand here now knowing I survived.

I am so glad I kept my journals.  They are my life.  I always imagined one day I would have grandchildren and when I passed away I would leave them a box.  The box would contain a letter from me to them and all my journals and memorabilia I have kept throughout my life.  I would want them to remember who I was when I was younger. Not just the old woman they had come to know but who that old woman once was and eventually grew to be.  I don't know if I will ever have that opportunity for I do not have children at this time in my life.  However it is a strong image and I still feel it will be carried out.  I just don't know whose children it will be who gets the box?:)

Journaling is therapeutic.  It is powerful.  It is trans formative.  It is not for everyone although everyone could benefit.

I often hear from people that they would like to journal but just don't think they can.  At first when I started hearing those responses it confused me.  How could someone not journal?  It is so easy to do.  I have heard many different excuses over time as to why people can't or just will not journal.  Of all the excuses I have heard from different people about why they can not sit down and simply write the following two seem to be the most popular:

1.  I don't have time  

2.  I don't know what I would write


These to me are just that -excuses.  If someone really wants to do something that is suggested as a tool to get all the "inner muck" out of their head and onto the paper in front of them for some relief and to gain some awareness then they will find a way to do it.  Writing in a journal takes nothing more than opening a notebook and putting pen or pencil to paper and just start writing what is on your mind.  That is all.

Now there are many other ways to journal, but if you want the simple and straight forward way to start then just open up the notebook and start writing.

My favorite time to journal is when I first wake up.  I have a routine in the morning of what I do to prepare myself mentally and physically for the day.  Journaling is included in this morning routine.  It is a great way for me to let out all the subconscious mind funk that came up from the night before and lay it out on paper in front of me.  This makes me feel like I have made room in my head and I'm not taking this stuff with me throughout the day. If it is a morning I am not feeling particuarly chipper I  can get my thoughts and feeling out on paper and see what may be affecting my serenity staring back at me. When I see this I can then work on solutions to bring back balance.  Sometimes I get creative ideas first thing in the morning and I include these in my journal time.  Anything can come out.  Just write.

I always think of what Julia Cameron of The Artists Way suggests when she talks about her morning pages exercise.  She suggests that even if you can't think of anything to write for three pages then just write, "I don't know what to write" over and over until something else comes forward to write about.  I have used that tip especially when I am going through a morning pages phase.

 Morning pages is a practice of getting up and writing three pages front and back of whatever comes out of your head first thing in the morning.  Front and back.  Three pages.  I actually wrote a report about morning pages in college and spoke about the benefits of morning pages in my public speaking class.  Can you tell I am an advocate of journaling yet?

If there is a certain area of my life I am working on I always keep a journal about it.  Always.  This is how I can reference back to awareness's that I have made and work on what I need to do.  I can look over progress I have made or where I may be stuck.  I can gain deeper insight into my inner world by just bringing my feelings onto paper.  It is so relieving.

In addition to daily writing I have kept journals for:

1.  Body cleanses

2.  40-90-120 Day Yoga sadhanas

3.  Artwork

4.  Affirmation work

5.  Creative Recovery

6.  Food Sensitivities

7.  Grief Work

8.  Inner Child Work

and more.


In past Recovery Rising series I have facilitated I suggested students bring journals to class.  This was so they would have something on hand to write down their thoughts, ideas, insights, rants, or whatever else arose.  I also suggested that they continue a journal practice outside of class also.  This was merely a suggestion.

This time around I am not suggesting it I am making it an integral part of the program because I know it is an supportive, effective, powerful tool for someone on a self-healing path.  I am starting a new series this coming weekend and one of the requirements for the students will be to bring in a journal that they will use for their six-week journey.  I am giving them ample time to go out and let their heart guide them to the appropriate notebook, journal, etc.

I am including photos down below of various journal suggestions.  During my heavy inner child therapy phase I kept going to the colorful, fun, spiral notebooks.  When I just needed a notebook to write affirmations in or track my food sensitivities I would get the really cheap $1.00- $1.99 notebooks.  Natalie Goldberg the author of Writing Down The Bones suggests having those cheapo spiral notebooks on hand as you never know when inspiration will strike or you run out of room in your regular journal. When I feel like being more artistic in my journaling I will get an sketch journal.  The kind with just the blank white sketch pages with the black cover.  I have been known to decorate the front of those with construction paper and make my own decorative cover.

The journal I am currently using I picked up on a whim at CVS or Walgreens.  I can't remember which place.  Those places all look the same to me.  I love my new journal.  The colors of the cover make me happy.  The lines and design of the pages within inspire me to want to write.  I also love that it has a pink ribbon book marker attached. Bonus!

The Recovery Rising students are going to be given questions as prompts to assist them in their journal experience and asked to maintain a daily journal practice throughout the six- weeks.

For anyone who has thought about starting a journaling practice I would say that there is a reason you thought about it, so have you started it?  Cool.  If not....well.... then why not?  What is your excuse?  Come on.  What is the first excuse that comes to your mind?  Really?

If it was either of the two excuses listed above then I suggest you read this blog again or put pen to paper and start writing out "I don't know what to write" over and over until you push through and other words begin to emerge.  Try it.  What do you have to lose?  What do you have to gain?

Get out there.  Find a fun notebook or fancy journal that inspires you!  Let your heart guide you.

Get to know yourself:)  Your inner world is waiting to come into the light.

Journal!


Blessings,

Kristianna

Sometimes Reality Does Bite But There is One Thing That Can Help...

Self-Honesty

Change cannot truly take place without it

Recovery cannot happen without it

It is a simple action

It is a life changing action

It is scary

It is relief

It is liberating

Makes one breath deeper

It can really suck

Reality bites

Again

Change cannot take place without it

It requires one to take responsibility

For their actions

For their life

Facing ones truth

Just one truth about self

Can change ones life

No more hiding

No more pretending

No more wasted energy

Self-Honesty

Gets you on your knees

Breaks down walls

It can open doors

To new worlds and possibilites

Its scary

Its exciting

Its simple

Yet

One

Of

The

Hardest

Things

To Do

Getting honest with your self

Have you done it lately?

Just one thing?

One

itsy

bitsy

teeny weeny

tiny

thing

you have

not been facing

about

YOU.


Well, it is none of my business anyway if you have or have not been facing anything.  I just write this stuff as it comes through:)  However,  in the process of writing the above I felt myself pushing down something that has been trying to come to the surface for me to look at for the past week or so.  So the above really does speak some truth.  Crap.  Now that I wrote it I can't ignore whats coming up.  I can.  I always have a choice.  Denial really sucks though.  Ha.  Time for me to go journal.......

Braggs Raw Organic Apple Cider Vinegar: An Unexpected Journey

An Unexpected Journey...........

I would like to start out by stating that I am no expert on matters of healthy eating, supplements, diets, etc.   The only reason I am even dedicating a whole blog post to apple cider vinegar is because of the unexpected benefits I have had while taking it.  I have now been consistently taking 1-2 tsp in a glass of water in the morning and afternoon for a month and a half now.

 It was just after two days that I noticed some differences within in me.  After a week had gone by I had realized some more things had changed with me in relationship to certain foods and habits.   As more time went by I could not help but to feel a deep level of gratitude for what was changing in my body and habits.  This gratitude is what spilled over and had me post a time or two on Facebook about what I had been experiencing.  I was amazed at the amount of feedback I received and the interest.  I was joking at first about writing this blog but I received that inner "nod" to actually move forward and expand on my experience.  I don't usually write a blog until I feel that inner "nod."

As you read about how taking this supplement affected me please remember no two people are the same.  You may not experience what I have and you may experience something I will not.  Also some people do not do well with vinegar based products.  I know apple cider vinegar is not straight up distilled white vinegar but it is still a fermented food product.  Please keep that in mind.

Okay so here is my "unexpected journey"........

In the middle of March I put myself on a 30 day ayurvedic body cleanse that consisted of me eating an Ama reducing mung dal dish (mung beans and rice) three times a day.  Ama is a word used to describe the inner toxic waste that gets built up within our digestive system and affects are overall sense of well-being.  Ama is created from poor eating habits, eating leftover and frozen foods, and eating late at night among other things.

I went on this mono- diet not only to cleanse (mung beans are a great internal cleanser),but also to figure out what foods were contributing to me breaking out on my forehead and right side of my face.  As the month went on my skin started to calm down.  One of the many positive side effects of being on an internal body cleanse  is the connection with the body.  The senses get heightened.  The body really does communicate what its likes, dislikes, and needs are.  Most of the time we are to bogged down in toxic substances to feel that natural connection to the body and feel what it is saying.  My body guided me to start taking the apple cider vinegar.  I was praying for something to assist me with my digestive system thinking that  an imbalance there was contributing to the outbreaks on my skin also.  I was soon led to the ACV.

My first glass was just one teaspoon in the morning.  I enjoyed the taste.  It was a bit of a wake up to my taste buds at first, but I quickly got used to it.  I found myself wanting another glass at lunch and one in the late afternoon.  My body needed it.  The body always knows.  It wasn't long until I felt an increase in energy.  I would say after two days is when I realized I was not wanting to fall asleep around 3 in the afternoon.  I was quite energized.  After five to six days is when I suddenly realized I had no desire to take in caffeine.  The times I normally would crave caffeine I found myself craving a glass of the ACV.  This is a huge deal for me.  Caffeine has been an on and off again addiction for me.  It is hard because not only does it affect my nervous system in a negative way, but it also disrupts my hormone balance and makes me break out in what looks like chicken pox on my face.  I am allergic to it.  It is a substance that also takes me out of my serenity and causes me to go into a depressive state if taken for a long period of time.  Since taking the ACV I have not had any cravings for the caffeine as I normally do.  I could cry tears of gratitude just for that benefit.


Around the same time I noticed the lack of craving for caffeine I realized there was no cravings for sugar either.  That does not mean I have not eaten anything sweet.  It  just means I don't crave and need sugar like I used to.  If I do eat something sweet it is not with refined sugar.  I have been okay with just eating a little something and not go overboard.  I have been able to walk down aisles and past sweet temptations without a battle going on within me.  The battle in my mind trying to justify why I need that Vegan Vee treat.   I still eat yummy Vegan vee baked goods, but I don't find myself in an obsessive-compulsive state over sugar.

The energy I have gained from taking ACV has been a god send.  Let me say, sustained energy.  I can't remember the last time I have had a mid afternoon slump or the kind of crash  I normally would feel from sugar and caffeine.  Low energy has been an ongoing issue in my life also. My energy levels are amazing right now and I am enjoying every day of it.  The last thing I would like to share is my mood level.  I feel a change.  I know with the onset of spring comes elevated moods as the heaviness of winter melts away.  This has been different.  It feels like some kind of shift within my physiology.  It could be a combination of the body cleanse and heavy metal detox I did along with the consistent use of ACV.  I don't know.  I just know I like it.

I do not drink three glasses a day anymore as my body has indicated one to two is sufficient now.

I have also used ACV as a cool rinse in my hair after showering to make it shiny.  I have used it as a toner on my skin.  I also have noticed I smell good.  I know it sounds strange. I can't help sharing.  I said I would share how it has affected me.  I smell good from the inside out.

So that has been my "unexpected journey" with apple cider vinegar.  I hope you have some positive results if you are taking it.  Just remember give it at least 30 days.  Oh and if you have it as a drink at work and have to be around other people right after you drink it just be mindful:)  You are drinking vinegar!  Oh and be careful if you drink it after 6 P.M.  It was hard for me to fall asleep if I drank it to late.  See what works for you.

I see questions in comment sections often of people asking if it matters what kind of vinegar to use.  I have seen more times than not people answer with Braggs Organic Raw Apple Cider Vinegar.  You don't want the pasterurized, distilled vinegars.  You want the cloudy looking, brownish kind with the "mother" in it.  Do not be afraid of the cobweb like particles floating in the bottle.  You can find it in the Natural Market section of your grocery store for around $3-4 dollars.  Seriously.

Here is a link to an excerpt from the book:   Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar
http://bragg.com/books/acv_excerpt.html


I am going to include the link that I know has been around the block a few times on facebook.  If you haven't read it please give yourself some time to look it over.  15 Reasons To Use Apple Cider Vinegar

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5875/15-Reasons-to-Use-Apple-Cider-Vinegar-Every-Day.html


Let me know how your journey goes!   I know I am staying on mine until I get guided another way.


Blessings and Glitter to You,

Kristianna

Dealing With Depression Part 2: Ancient Kundalini Yoga Tools For 21st Century Depression

The old story: unable to leave behind that which one has been taught is sensible, practical, normal, rational, proper decent convention.  Better to regard the group over the individual, the publicly acclaimed over the privately treasured, the objective over the subjectively valued.  Into a life, depression comes as a gift forcing one to listen to the voice of the self within. Depression comes as a gift wrenching one from the comfort of the collective to the isolation of ones own feeling values, from the safety of the wide gate and broad way to the doubts and fears of one's own unmarked, rocky footpath...a gift: for hidden in the seeming safety of the broad way was stagnation and illness-death to the possibility of becoming ones self.   

                                                          -Judith  Duerk, A Circle of Stones, A Woman's Journey to Herself

Move the Stagnation.  Find Ones Self.  Here is a way............


I don't even pretend to be an expert on depression.  I am not a therapist.  I have no formal training.  I did not sit hours in classrooms reading about signs, symptoms, statistics, diagnosis, etc.  I did not take any written or oral tests.  My training has come through life.  I simply share my experience.

Right now the way I am keeping myself in balance and keeping my emotions elevated is through the tools of Kundalini Yoga.  In particular I am practicing pranayama, meditation and mantra.  I am not going to sit here and write that KY has taken away my depression. Kundalini Yoga assists me with emotional elevation, inner strength, and most importantly awareness. The awareness of what needs to change on the outside and what needs to be done on the inside to implement the change.  What I choose to do with the awareness determines the difference between staying in depression and doing what I know needs to be done to move out of it, or staying in the fear and choosing depression. Even if I am scared there are tools that assist me in building courage to take baby steps forward through the sadness.

Kundalini Yoga provides tools to address the both the physiological and energetic imbalances of many psychiatric disorders including major depressive disorders.  There are several books written with case studies about applied treatments. One book that I own is : Kundalini Yoga Meditation: Techniques Specific for Psychiatric Disorders, Couples Therapy, and Personal Growth by David S. Shannahoff-Khalsa.  It is quite scientific based and geared towards practitioners in the Mental Health Field.

Kundalini Yoga assists in alleviating depression by focusing on:

Pranayama: (breathing techniques): Practicing pranayama increases oxygen supply to the brain and bloodstream. It aids in physical and emotional detoxification. When certain ratios of breath are applied through specific nostrils it can bring balance to the brain, alter mental states and emotional states, and increase serotonin levels.  Breathing through the left nostril only can bring about a state of calmness if one is upset or anxious.  Breathing through the right nostril can increase mental alertness and energy.

Renewing the Brain: Kundalini Yoga tools assist with balancing the brain hemispheres, strengthening the frontal lobe, utilizing dhristi (eye focus) mudra (hand position) and the tongue (mantra) to rewire the brain moving out old thought patterns and creating new positive ones.

Strengthening the Aura:  The Aura is an electromagnetic energy field that surrounds our bodies.  It is said our auras extend anywhere from 3-9 feet from our body.  The aura is our protection.  A strong aura keeps negative energies out of our bodies and energy field.  Energies that can cause imbalance, disease, and depression.

*One who has a small aura tends to be depressed, negative, and crabby.  The person doesn't want to be uplifted.  Conforms to others and is afraid to be ones true self.  This certainly invites in depression.

Balancing the Glandular System:  Kundalini Yoga tools balance hypothalamic, pineal and pituitary secretions which in turn balance the activity of the entire glandular system. This balancing of hormones allows regulatory processes to occur which restores health and changes in neurochemistry which result in an overall balance and feeling of well-being.

Increasing Vitality:  Specific Kundalini yoga tools assist in increasing vitality. This can be helpful especially for those times when one needs to get things done but their energy is low. Depression can be caused by a blockage of the flow of ones vital energy. Simple movements such as spinal flex or shoulder shrugs to full yoga sets  focus on stimulating and releasing core vital energy that can be utilized for forward movement.

This is just a taste of the many benefits of utilizing the practice of Kundalini Yoga for assisting with depression.  There are numerous meditations, kriyas, breathing techniques, and mantras focus on the imbalances within to change the imbalance on the outside.

Most of the depression I have experienced on and off the last 17 years has been caused by the outside circumstances I put myself in.  I had often wondered why I put myself in the situations I did.  I received my answers last year.  The awakening and breaking open I experienced shed light on many answers to many questions and allowed me a sigh of relief that I really wasn't crazy or just born to suffer.  There was a legitimate reason as to why the patterns within me led me down the path of my life.  I don't know that I would have gotten to that core place of awareness had it not been for the practice of Kundalini Yoga.

Kundalini Yoga is not the only thing I recommend for alleviation of depression. Goodness, no!  It is but one tool.  One of many. It is an ancient technology for 21st century life- recovery.  It fills in the blanks.  I could write a whole blog just on the benefits of Mantra (sound healing) for elevating one out of a depressed state......and I think I will.

The times have changes.  The world is changing and to make it through minds have to be opened and news modalities considered.  This is one of them.  I have many more tools to offer but they cannot all be shared on this blog.  I will be offering a "Dealing With Depression" Workshop in the future in which I will share more tips, tools, and Kundalini Yoga protocols for Depression.

 Pranayama Exercises and Meditations. 

 If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.

When beginning a Kundalini Yoga practice always tune in with the following mantra three times:

Ong Namo Gur Dev Namo
"I bow to the all knowing wisdom that lies within me.  I bow to creation."


Pranayama Techniques:

Segmented Breath for Depression.  

It can be practiced for alleviating mild depression:

Practice time 3-11 minutes:

Eye Position:  Closed and focused at the point in between your eye brow

Mudra:  Hands gently resting on knees in Gyan Mudra (forefinger connected to thumb)

The breath is a 4:1 ratio

A.  Inhale through the nose in four slow even segments as if you are sniffing.  (Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff)

B.  Exhale in one smooth exhalation

To end:  Inhale and hold thre breath focusing at the brow point and exhale.


 Ego Eradicator/Breath of Fire
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Postures%20Ego%20Eradicator.htm
*Excellent for strengthening the auric field and stimulating the flow of vital energy and strengthening the nervous system

For instructions on Breath of Fire check out my video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFsjMVHH7Cs&feature=relmfu
* Do not practice if you have high pressure or anxiety


Meditations For Depression:

Kundalini Yoga Meditation for Acute Depression
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Meditation%20healing%20mediation%20for%20acute%20depression.htm

Kundalini Yoga Meditation as an Antidote to Depression
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Meditation%20to%20recharge%20you.htm

Seven Wave Sat Nam Meditation
http://www.grdcenter.org/meditations/7-wave.php
*A friend and KY Instructor shared with me that this was recommended to her as a practice to help her move through depression.  She had only positive feedback and shared that it greatly benefited her.


Part Three Coming Soon..........


Many Blessings,

Kristianna

Dealing with Depression Part 1: Embracing the Gifts of Sadness

"How might your life have been different, if, when you were a young woman, the first time you felt feelings of depression, an older woman had come to sit with you?  If she had come to sit with you, as someone had come to sit with her the first time she had feelings of depression?  To simply sit, quietly, perhaps wordlessly-to sit with you, during your dark time.  And how might your life have been different if the woman had accepted your feelings of depression?  Had accepted them so fully and completely that you began to feel safe with them.  If there had been no judgement or questioning..no attempt to make you smile, to betray your feelings, to deny your darkness.  If the woman had simply sat in silence with you, with your pain, and in the darkest moments had been able to reflect it to you..to reflect to your pain...to witness...attend...and by her quiet respect for it to help you learn to respect it...your own pain and depression....to witness, attend , and respect your depression...and to see that just as the woman had faith in it, you might also have a glimmer of faith that there was meaning and truth in your darkness."

 How might your life be different?

- Circle of Stones, Woman's Journey to Herself,  by Judith Duerk




I would first like to share how deeply I am in love with the book, Circle of Stones, Woman's Journey to Herself, by Judith Duerk.  I know this book has been around for some time now, but the time came last winter when it was my turn to discover the rich treasure of wisdom and comfort that lies buried within its pages.  The above excerpt is perfect.  Not only for women to think about, but also for men.

I have lived on and off with depression most of my life.  I did not know about depression until my second year of college when I was diagnosed by a doctor and experienced my first dance with anti-depressants.  I did not really take the diagnosis seriously,nor, did I stay on the pills for very long.  The doctor was very quick to shove the prescription in my hand and send me on my way.  He did not share any info about depression or provide me with resources to learn more about what may have caused it. He just gave me the pills.  I took them.  I did not stay on them.  I tried off and on for years to take the anti-depressants but my body just kept rejecting them.  Something deep within me knew it wasn't what I needed.  I know anti-depressants are beneficial for certain people.  I honor and respect that path.  It just wasn't the path that was right for me.

I can say it was a time of my life where I had my little toe dipped in the self-healing world and the rest of my foot immersed in the material world of trying to heal my wounds by following my insatiable ego. I thought if I could just get the better car, the bigger apartment, the skinniest body, the greatest hair, become a star then the depression I was feeling would go away.

It didn't work like that.  It just made it worse.  So I turned to another type of pill to make it go away.  That made it even worse and landed me in the 12 step recovery rooms.

When I first moved back to Nashville in 2005 I was sharing a house with another woman.  I remember I was in a deep state of depression at that time. I was afraid that if she noticed I was sitting around or laying down to much she would think I was crazy or lazy and kick me out.  I did share with her that I was dealing with depression and that there may be times I would be laying around.  She did not put me down or out right judge me like I made myself believe would happen.  I remember it feeling good to open up like that, but I never could fully feel comfortable being in a sad state, and she never played the role of the supportive older woman.

I did often yearn for someone to sit there with me just as Judith shares in her book.  I wished for someone just to hold the space and not try and cheer me up or get me to go do something.  Someone to just allow me to feel what was going on. I wonder if that support would have been provided for me at a young age then I wouldn't have been so hard on myself when I felt depressed in those early days.  I wonder what it would be like if more people had a kind old woman teach them to respect and accept their sadness and not be ashamed of it.  Would more people be there for one another and not be afraid of sadness?

It really frustrates me that there is still a stigma around mental illnesses such as depression.  People are more sympathetic, supportive, and kind to people who experience "physical" illness ,but, are less tolerant and supportive of people with "mental" illness.  Why?

If this stigma does not change then we are in trouble. I saw some staggering statistics the other day regarding the percentage of people living with depression.**  It did not surprise me at all considering the way we live, work, eat, and treat ourselves in this day and age.

*A recent study sponsored by the World Health Organization and the World Bank found unipolar major depression to be the leading cause of disability in the United States.

                                     DEPRESSION IS NOT A WEAKNESS

I do not see depression as a weakness. I see it as a friend.  I see it as a signal to me that something is imbalanced in my life.  I see it as a time to take a step back and to pay attention to where I am not nourishing myself enough.  I see it as anger and sadness locked up inside of me needing to be listened to and released. I see it as a time to inquire if my dopamine and/or serotonin levels are imbalanced. My body tells me everything.

One of the workshops I teach in my Recovery Rising program is called, "Dealing with Depression."  In this workshop I really focus on providing students with a gentle and empowering way of looking at and dealing with depression. Students learn breathing techniques, kriyas (yoga sets), and mantras all specific for depression.  I also provide the time and space through guided meditation for students to visit the locked up emotions within.   I draw alot from the teachings of Guru Rattana Ph.D, a Kundalini Yoga teacher and long time student of Yogi Bhajan.  Her view on depression made the most sense to me and confirmed what I had figured out through experience.  The following is a teaching of hers that I also share in my workshop:


"We are obliged to experience grief, sorrow, pessimism, and loneliness.  The trick is we are not obliged to indulge in these feelings.  They are there to teach us, but they are not there to torment us.  The key to understanding these feelings is the realization that they are a reflection of our separation from source.  They are a response to a closed heart.  A closed heart blocked off by negative experiences, unexpressed emotions from traumas and bad programming.  We must revisit and reinstall new programming in order to make it back to the core of our soul where love resides.  Depression is an invitation to this inner journey.  Not the most popular journey, we often choose denial, medication, blame, and outward preoccupations.  My observation is that like other soul lessons, some form of sadness and depression never really goes away until we find the gold of divine love in our own hearts.
Depression invites us to turn inward so we can find the cause of the source of our pain and find resolution, freedom and empowerment."  -Guru Rattana  Ph.D


I know for many in the west talking about going within and listening to feelings sounds like a cheese ball waste of time but, I am living proof that it is not.  The time for the old way of, "taking it on the chin and moving on" is just about up.  That is an old paradigm and a way of being that is now back -firing on many.  I grew up in a family that taught me to much about repressing my feelings.  I also experienced the pain it caused for years until I allowed myself to start facing and expressing them.


                                        THE ONLY WAY OUT IS BY GOING IN


This year has been an incredibly difficult life changing time of my life.  I believe if I didn't experience some times of depression with dealing with what has gone on I would not be human. I have experienced bouts of depression that have lasted sometimes 2-3 days at a time to upwards of two weeks.  I am most grateful that I have come to an acceptance of depression and view it in the way that I do now.  I have really learned to go within this year.  It has been the only way to make it through the emotional and physical changes I have experienced.   I know the changes are not over and I am still listening.

There was a time about a month ago when it was bad.  I couldn't pick up any "self-healing" tools.  I couldn't shift anything.  I just had to merge with the sadness.  I just had to be with it in order to move through it. The problem was I wasn't moving through it.  It was as Guru Rattana shared, "the trick is we are not obliged to indulge in these feelings."  I know I gave myself adequate nurturing time and space, but then something in me knew it was going to far.  I had enough.  I needed to move forward.

One evening I went upstairs into my office.  I sat down in front of my altar.  I closed my eyes and went to the area within my body where I felt the blocked energy(my heart center) and allowed myself to fully be present in that area.  I brought the energy up to the surface and began feeling a trembling through my body.  The energy came up my throat and out of my mouth as I began to scream and let the tears fall.  It did not stop.  Wave after wave rushed through my body.  The painful feelings of sadness and frustration released over and over again.  My fists flew in the air and my body continued to shake and tremble as the blocked pain and trauma released out of my body. I was utterly exhausted after that experience and found myself crawling into bed.  I can say the next day I woke up and felt forward movement.  Something had been released.  My mood lifted.  My motivation came back and the depression let up.  What did I do?  I did not take it on the chin. I did not drink or drug myself.  What I did do was face my buried emotions.  I chose to go into them and I chose to release them.  I have lived with 30 years of stuffed down trauma and pain through out my body.  Trust me this wasn't the first episode.

I am aware that the season of depression is upon us.  Seasonal Affective Disorder, holidays, new years, and the overall pressure cooker that are the times we are currently living in.  This is why I have been guided to share about depression.  This blog is probably already to long so I am breaking it up into a couple parts. The next parts will include more about outside circumstances, the tools of Kundalini Yoga I utilize for depression including building a strong aura, practicing mantras to shift your vibration, and the importance of breath.

If you happen to be reading this and are going through a time of depression give yourself a break and please know it is okay.

Nurture yourself.  Honor what is going on within.  Give yourself permission to be depressed.

I fully support you and am holding a space for you to feel however you need to feel.


Much love,

Kristianna


**http://www.depressionperception.com/depression/depression-facts-and-statistics.html