The Magic Of A Self-Love Sanctuary She/Man Cave!

It is no secret what my favorite color is: PINK!

When I was on a women's retreat this past November a wise woman shared a beautiful insight with me  regarding the color pink. She said, "Red is love. White is courage. Pink is the in -between of both those colors. Pink is peace." Those words went straight to my heart and snuggled right in and have not left since. I have managed to create some kind of "pink room" in other places I have lived before. I have always needed the soothing walls to make me feel peaceful and at home. I left behind a beautiful pink room last November that held the most precious moments, memories, tears, laughter, anger, inspiration, and layers of healing energy within its supportive walls. That was my "she-cave". I feel it is important to have that alone space whether you are a man and need the "man-cave" or a woman needing to retreat to her "she- cave." I like to think of it as a self-love sanctuary. It is a sacred space. Its the place to take care and love on yourself and give yourself what you need so you can then go out and give to others. The others may be a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, friends, students, etc.

Many things can happen in a self-love sanctuary.  For me countless hours of writing and workshop designing happened. Vision boards were created and many visions were manifested. On any given day any genre of music could be heard playing including: 80's, 90's, metal, industrial, world, kundalini, hip-hop, and show tunes. Basically any music that inspired me to move could be heard blasting out of that room. The floors were so kind in supporting me as I danced, stomped, twirled, screamed, and often pounded on them. I have to say much anger release work was accomplished within the pink.  My inner child is always pleased in the sanctuary. Many mornings the walls meditated with me and took in the vibrations of the mantras that I would chant and play. There were many evenings my kundalini yoga music would seep out into the living room inspiring someone down there to turn off the T.V.  I would often catch that same certain someone listening to the mantras being played instead of watching the TV:) Some days it would be an interesting mix of yoga music clashing and somehow blending with the metal or prog rock drumming going on in the man cave in the next room. There was never a dull moment in the pink room. 

In my new place I cannot have a pink room. It seems strange and it feels like a piece of me is missing. I have created a sacred space in my bedroom to connect with my higher power and do my meditation practice. I dance in my living room and I write on my dining room table enjoying the beautiful view from my windows. I am grateful. My whole apartment is now my self-love sanctuary she-cave. I am creating beautiful layers of healing peaceful energy within its walls every day. Yet, it just isn't the same. Even with the pink decor it doesn't hold quite the same inspiration. I need my pink walls! I need my superpower. I do not know how long I will reside in this place. When the time does come that I am supposed to move to a new space I will welcome it. The only deal breaker will be is if I cannot paint a room pink. That is a must. It means everything to me.

Creating a self-love sanctuary she- cave is telling myself I am worth spending time with, I am worth listening to, I am worth caring for, and I am worth the gift of play and fun.  I know by spending the time away in my she-cave tending to my inner world the outer world  becomes more magical on a daily basis.

RIP PINK ROOM. 

You are always in my heart.

Last photo taken of the Pink Room wall before it was covered with a vanilla color:(

My 12 Step Journey: Leaving The Only Thing That Saved My Life..WTF?

I will be involving more 12 step wisdom along with personal experience, strength, and hope into my blogs as the days go on.  The following is a very censored and abridged version of what led me into the rooms of a 12 step program.  I save the unabridged version for my birthday meeting share and if I ever go into hospitals or institutions to share my story.  It is an important story-ever changing as the years go by.  There was a small point in time when I convinced myself that I no longer wanted to be identified or associated with "my story." I felt it had become my only identity and it was holding me to the past when I wanted to move forward.  The thing is the as I moved further away from my story I was moving away from where I came from.  I was moving away from the reality of what my life had become and the progress I had made to move out of the mess.  The more I moved away from "my story" the more I moved away from needing, the program. Today I know I don't have to be my story. I just have to observe, honor, and learn from it.

These past couple of years have been a serious roller coaster ride of ups and downs.  I have been deep into trauma recovery, self-esteem, self-love, and disordered eating recovery.  There is, however, one area of recovery that I had not been tending too.  An area of recovery that is the most important because this was the recovery program that saved my life and started it all.  That is the 12 step based recovery program of Narcotics Anonymous.

I do not make it a secret that I am in recovery.  It is such an integral part of my life that to hide it or try to separate myself from it is like hiding a part of who I am.  If I am hiding it I am not living my truth.  Now that is just for me.  I know other people are not as open to share as I am and that is perfect for who they are.

THE SUMMER OF "NOT SO HAPPY HOURS" AND HURRICANE KATRINA

I entered into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous in the summer of 2005.   I first heard of this 12 step program through someone I met at my first job after moving back to TN.  I do believe the meeting of this person was orchestrated by my higher power.  This person literally stepped in front of me as I was walking in to my first day of on the job training.  He introduced himself and for the next week or so would not leave me alone until I would be his friend.  I finally gave in and when we started talking I soon realized we were the same kind of, "out there." 

In our time together he noticed certain behaviors I was exhibiting and different substances I was taking.  One day he and his girlfriend very gently told me about a program called Narcotics Anonymous, a 12 step based recovery program.  They didn't preach or try to get me to go. They just shared the message.  They planted a seed.  When they shared with me about this program I could not imagine going because I was in no way a druggie.  Nope. Not me.  So time went by and with it lots of money and lots of failed attempts at stopping what I was using.  Along with the inability to control my drug use my actions and behaviors were constantly causing trouble to myself and people around me.  I was getting into one painful, dangerous, and ridiculous situation after another and surrounding myself with nothing but people and environments that would enable my actions.

I realized one day that I really did have a problem.  I did not realize that problem was truly, "me."

When the pain of my life  finally got to great to bear and I had nobody around me that understood what was going on with me I got on my computer and looked up Narcotic Anonymous meetings in Nashville.  I picked one that was sort of close to where I lived and in the daytime.  Not knowing what I was walking into or what on earth this was about I still found the courage to go. I made my way to a noon meeting in a basement of a church.  I sat down and did something I hadn't done in a while, I just listened.

 I honestly don't remember much about those first meetings.  The only things that stand out that I remember are:  I would go, I would leave,  I would go the bar and other things,  I would have regrets, and I would show back up to another meeting.  This went on for a couple of months.  The best thing I did the second half of the summer of 05' was continue to show up to meetings no matter if I had used or not.  If I used I just sat in the meeting, kept quiet, and listened.  Eventually after going to enough meetings and listening to many people share similar feelings as I had as well as  similar past experiences that I had gone through a little something called hope was creeping in to my body.  

After a whole summer of mixing NA with using and reaching a bottom with drugs and relationships that had stripped every ounce of self-esteem and self-worth from me I gave in completely to the program.  On September 1st, 2005 using the strength and hope of the group I picked up a white key tag symbolizing I would try this way of life. "Just For Today."

It was the greatest act of self-love I could do for myself.

The first year I worked the program my life began to change.  I started to gain small shreds of self-esteem and self-respect.  I was also gaining an greater awareness of all the havoc I had wreaked in my life and the lives of others for so long.  I was slowly being taught a new way to live.  I was being taught how to take responsibility for my actions.  I was learning about my assetts as well as my defects.  I was learning how to value myself and others. I was learning how to be honest with myself and others.  I was learning about having an open mind and the willingness needed to make a change.  I was learning how to grow up. 

I cannot speak for other 12 step programs as Narcotics Anonymous is the only one I have experience with.  There is much more to addiction recovery than just putting down the drug of choice.  NA  is a program that teaches about the disease of addiction and the patterns that are associated with it including but not limited to chronic self-centeredness, obsessive and compulsive behaviors, isolation, and a lack of self-acceptance . There is also dealing with how addiction shifts into other areas.  Once I put down my drug of choice I noticed that I would start acting out in other ways-nicotine, food, caffeine, men, etc.   Narcotics does teach about addiction but it is more focused about the nature of recovery.

Narcotics anonymous brings together people from all walks of life.  People who in everyday life may never have crossed paths or would have even thought about associating  with another because of their different  economic status's, career choices, or neighborhoods.  The disease of addiction does not give two shits if you have a white collar or blue collar job, you live in an affluent neighborhood or the projects, or make six figures a year.  It wants to isolate you, bring you down, and eventually kill you.  Being around other people who understand what this "disease" does is important part of recovery.

DID YOU JUST READ ALL OF THAT?

Yeah.  I did.  I did because I needed too.  Why?  My happy ass got away from the reality of my disease and the community that knew and understood the best what it does and how it can take one down.   

As I got more time clean I started exploring different self-help paths  I also re-discovered a practice from my past called, Kundalini Yoga.  I am not going to go into details of what happened over the  years that I was not active in the program.  At least not in this blog post.  I will say everything was for a reason and it was to assist me in getting to roots of my core issues.

Between years two and three of being in the NA I started to slowly drift away from the program.  I was getting more involved with Kundalini Yoga and in the metaphysical community.  Instead of surrounding myself with people whom I shared this thing called, addiction, with I started surrounding myself with other people who didn't drink or take substances.  They may not have used specific substances, but they also didn't really understand the nature of addiction.  

After spending some time in this other community I started to hear things said to me like, "I don't see you as an addict.  If you keep yourself in that state of repeating, I am an addict, you are always going to stay in that energy.  You have evolved out of that state of being an addict.  Why do you want to be around those people?"  There is more that I kept feeding into but I have already shared the main ones.

What I want to say to these people,whom I know according to their beliefs meant well,  is please please PLEASE research what is all involved with the disease of addiction and the nature of recovery.  I know  personally the word dis-ease had turned me off a number of times which in turn lead me to much denial that I actually had a "disease of addiction." The truth is it does cause a dis-ease of the mind, body, soul, and spirit.  I want to say to these people that before you start judging and making assumptions look into what all in involved in the program.  The workbooks, the community, the sharing, the overall support, the education.  Putting the drugs down is only the beginning.

Part of me wanted to believe what my friends were saying and another part of me knew the importance of the program.  I was living in conflict about being in the program for a long time.  Another part of me is starting to believe it was just what that disease needed to isolate me.  I didn't want to have to call myself an addict or keep repeating it all the time.  I do believe when you keep repeating something you create your reality based on those words...especially if they follow the words, I AM.   I will come to the truth about this the more I work through the program.  As for saying, "I am an addict" everyday I have come to the acceptance of saying, "I am a recovering addict" because that is what I am right now.  I am recovering and that is the truth.  That works for me.

 I  do know I wasn't facing the reality of what truly worked for me in the past.  I was fighting it.  I wouldn't surrender.  I wanted to believe I had healed myself of addiction.  I wanted to believe I could handle life without having to check in and share with a group all the time.  The more I wanted to believe in what others around me were saying the more it created a distance within me from the very program that saved me.   

I don't want to write to much more about this at this time.  There is much I will work out and discover while "working the steps."  I don't know what I finally did that caused the walls of denial to crumble and for me to gain the courage to go back to the rooms and start reconnecting.   Well. Yes. I do.  That is another blog. 

I am thankful that I did not have a relapse on my drug of choice in the time I was gone.  I guess I was to busy tending to other areas that needed healing.  I had created and was teaching a life recovery program called, Recovery Rising.  It is not a 12 step based program, but, it is based on the other areas of recovery I have had years of experience working on.  Having had that program in my life greatly contributed to keeping me clean and it was beautiful service work....it still is.  

The one thing I can say for certain is even though I have clean time I don't have the "12 step recovery."  There definitely is a difference in just being clean and living the 12 step recovery.  I still have my clean time and on October 1st I will have seven years clean.  If you paid attention you will notice its now October and not September....but that is another story:)

I am excited to be reconnected to the program and not just in the shadows.  It has been strange to have to share with others what has been going on and admit I haven't been a part of.   It's hard  being back, but listening to all the experience, strength and hope once again has been giving me encouragement.  It is inspiring to see what working a program does for people-how it changes them for the best.

Something is so different this time for me and I am not questioning it.   I am just embracing it.  I truly believe that I had to tend to the other areas of recovery in my life in order to continue with this program.  I feel like I am home again and this is exactly where I am supposed to be.  I feel the conflict disappearing and sanity coming back. 

My name is Kristianna and I am a recovering addict.

Just For Today:  I surrender.

Dealing With Depression Part 2: Ancient Kundalini Yoga Tools For 21st Century Depression

The old story: unable to leave behind that which one has been taught is sensible, practical, normal, rational, proper decent convention.  Better to regard the group over the individual, the publicly acclaimed over the privately treasured, the objective over the subjectively valued.  Into a life, depression comes as a gift forcing one to listen to the voice of the self within. Depression comes as a gift wrenching one from the comfort of the collective to the isolation of ones own feeling values, from the safety of the wide gate and broad way to the doubts and fears of one's own unmarked, rocky footpath...a gift: for hidden in the seeming safety of the broad way was stagnation and illness-death to the possibility of becoming ones self.   

                                                          -Judith  Duerk, A Circle of Stones, A Woman's Journey to Herself

Move the Stagnation.  Find Ones Self.  Here is a way............


I don't even pretend to be an expert on depression.  I am not a therapist.  I have no formal training.  I did not sit hours in classrooms reading about signs, symptoms, statistics, diagnosis, etc.  I did not take any written or oral tests.  My training has come through life.  I simply share my experience.

Right now the way I am keeping myself in balance and keeping my emotions elevated is through the tools of Kundalini Yoga.  In particular I am practicing pranayama, meditation and mantra.  I am not going to sit here and write that KY has taken away my depression. Kundalini Yoga assists me with emotional elevation, inner strength, and most importantly awareness. The awareness of what needs to change on the outside and what needs to be done on the inside to implement the change.  What I choose to do with the awareness determines the difference between staying in depression and doing what I know needs to be done to move out of it, or staying in the fear and choosing depression. Even if I am scared there are tools that assist me in building courage to take baby steps forward through the sadness.

Kundalini Yoga provides tools to address the both the physiological and energetic imbalances of many psychiatric disorders including major depressive disorders.  There are several books written with case studies about applied treatments. One book that I own is : Kundalini Yoga Meditation: Techniques Specific for Psychiatric Disorders, Couples Therapy, and Personal Growth by David S. Shannahoff-Khalsa.  It is quite scientific based and geared towards practitioners in the Mental Health Field.

Kundalini Yoga assists in alleviating depression by focusing on:

Pranayama: (breathing techniques): Practicing pranayama increases oxygen supply to the brain and bloodstream. It aids in physical and emotional detoxification. When certain ratios of breath are applied through specific nostrils it can bring balance to the brain, alter mental states and emotional states, and increase serotonin levels.  Breathing through the left nostril only can bring about a state of calmness if one is upset or anxious.  Breathing through the right nostril can increase mental alertness and energy.

Renewing the Brain: Kundalini Yoga tools assist with balancing the brain hemispheres, strengthening the frontal lobe, utilizing dhristi (eye focus) mudra (hand position) and the tongue (mantra) to rewire the brain moving out old thought patterns and creating new positive ones.

Strengthening the Aura:  The Aura is an electromagnetic energy field that surrounds our bodies.  It is said our auras extend anywhere from 3-9 feet from our body.  The aura is our protection.  A strong aura keeps negative energies out of our bodies and energy field.  Energies that can cause imbalance, disease, and depression.

*One who has a small aura tends to be depressed, negative, and crabby.  The person doesn't want to be uplifted.  Conforms to others and is afraid to be ones true self.  This certainly invites in depression.

Balancing the Glandular System:  Kundalini Yoga tools balance hypothalamic, pineal and pituitary secretions which in turn balance the activity of the entire glandular system. This balancing of hormones allows regulatory processes to occur which restores health and changes in neurochemistry which result in an overall balance and feeling of well-being.

Increasing Vitality:  Specific Kundalini yoga tools assist in increasing vitality. This can be helpful especially for those times when one needs to get things done but their energy is low. Depression can be caused by a blockage of the flow of ones vital energy. Simple movements such as spinal flex or shoulder shrugs to full yoga sets  focus on stimulating and releasing core vital energy that can be utilized for forward movement.

This is just a taste of the many benefits of utilizing the practice of Kundalini Yoga for assisting with depression.  There are numerous meditations, kriyas, breathing techniques, and mantras focus on the imbalances within to change the imbalance on the outside.

Most of the depression I have experienced on and off the last 17 years has been caused by the outside circumstances I put myself in.  I had often wondered why I put myself in the situations I did.  I received my answers last year.  The awakening and breaking open I experienced shed light on many answers to many questions and allowed me a sigh of relief that I really wasn't crazy or just born to suffer.  There was a legitimate reason as to why the patterns within me led me down the path of my life.  I don't know that I would have gotten to that core place of awareness had it not been for the practice of Kundalini Yoga.

Kundalini Yoga is not the only thing I recommend for alleviation of depression. Goodness, no!  It is but one tool.  One of many. It is an ancient technology for 21st century life- recovery.  It fills in the blanks.  I could write a whole blog just on the benefits of Mantra (sound healing) for elevating one out of a depressed state......and I think I will.

The times have changes.  The world is changing and to make it through minds have to be opened and news modalities considered.  This is one of them.  I have many more tools to offer but they cannot all be shared on this blog.  I will be offering a "Dealing With Depression" Workshop in the future in which I will share more tips, tools, and Kundalini Yoga protocols for Depression.

 Pranayama Exercises and Meditations. 

 If you have any questions please feel free to contact me.

When beginning a Kundalini Yoga practice always tune in with the following mantra three times:

Ong Namo Gur Dev Namo
"I bow to the all knowing wisdom that lies within me.  I bow to creation."


Pranayama Techniques:

Segmented Breath for Depression.  

It can be practiced for alleviating mild depression:

Practice time 3-11 minutes:

Eye Position:  Closed and focused at the point in between your eye brow

Mudra:  Hands gently resting on knees in Gyan Mudra (forefinger connected to thumb)

The breath is a 4:1 ratio

A.  Inhale through the nose in four slow even segments as if you are sniffing.  (Sniff, Sniff, Sniff, Sniff)

B.  Exhale in one smooth exhalation

To end:  Inhale and hold thre breath focusing at the brow point and exhale.


 Ego Eradicator/Breath of Fire
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Postures%20Ego%20Eradicator.htm
*Excellent for strengthening the auric field and stimulating the flow of vital energy and strengthening the nervous system

For instructions on Breath of Fire check out my video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFsjMVHH7Cs&feature=relmfu
* Do not practice if you have high pressure or anxiety


Meditations For Depression:

Kundalini Yoga Meditation for Acute Depression
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Meditation%20healing%20mediation%20for%20acute%20depression.htm

Kundalini Yoga Meditation as an Antidote to Depression
http://www.pinklotus.org/-%20KY%20Meditation%20to%20recharge%20you.htm

Seven Wave Sat Nam Meditation
http://www.grdcenter.org/meditations/7-wave.php
*A friend and KY Instructor shared with me that this was recommended to her as a practice to help her move through depression.  She had only positive feedback and shared that it greatly benefited her.


Part Three Coming Soon..........


Many Blessings,

Kristianna

What is this Recovery Rising thing?

It is me coming back to life.  It is me connecting to my inner power.  It is me utilizing tools and techniques to develop self-love.  It is me being vigilant, courageous, humble, curious, open, honest, and honoring.

Everything comes down to self-love.  Seriously.  That is recovery is about.

There are so many different techniques and tools that can be used for recovery.  I started out in a 12 step program, but I couldn't just stop there.  When I first entered the program it was exactly what I needed to break out of the cycle of addiction, co-dependency, and the rock bottom self-esteem I was in.  The people, literature and step work were all exactly what I needed to make me step back from the insanity that was my life and truly have to take responsibility for my actions.  It gave me a chance to break away from an abusive relationship that stripped me of every shred of self -esteem and worth I might have had. It gave me that chance by me hearing that there way another way of life.  A way of life I deserved to know.  I was WORTH healing myself.

It was in the third year of me being in the program that my higher power decided to let me know about another tool that would be beneficial to my recovery.  A tool I had utilized a few years earlier.  A tool that while I was using it years ago took away my desire to use any drugs or alcohol and opened me up to a dream that I thought I could never actually have come true.  This tool was Kundalini Yoga.

I first practiced this path of yoga when I lived in Los Angeles, CA.  When I moved out there I had no clue what Kundalini Yoga was.  All I knew of yoga was what I was practicing in NYC and that was straight up hatha style.  My first class I can say I had no idea what I was getting into and I was a bit weirded out.  Nothing we were doing was like I was used too.  My literal reaction during one of the movements was, WTF!  After class I sipped some hot yogi tea, nibbled on a graham cracker, and I floated to my car.  I had never experienced that type of after glow in my other class.  I was sure I wasn't going to return, but the way I felt that night and when I woke up was amazing.  I said, "What the heck" and gave it another go. That decision would be life changing.

When I returned to Nashville from L.A. a couple years later I immediately looked for a Kundalini Yoga class.  I could not believe it when I saw there were no classes.  The kundalini yoga studios in L.A. were wall to wall packed with students and celebrities. Why was it not popular in a creative city such as Nashville?  All I saw was Hot Yoga everywhere.  Did they not realize the potential of this practice for creativity, healing and transformation?

So I dropped off from my Kundalini Yoga practice until a couple years later when my higher power knew it was time and there was finally someone teaching.  My first class back I knew I wanted to teach this.  All of it's benefits came rushing back to me.  I knew this would be vital for my recovery because everything it works on is what someone in recovery needs for mind, body, and spirit repair.

When I started back with Kundalini Yoga my healing process went into warp speed.  I was no longer just writing and writing and talking about my issues and patterns I was doing something to release them from my subtle energy bodies.  I learned about the different core issues associated with each of the 8 chakras within and around the body.  I learned about the 10 light bodies and what happens when they become imbalanced.  It gave me so many answers and so many solutions to bringing myself into balance.  I applied different movements and specific kriyas targeting the imbalances within those chakras and light bodies.  I learned about the importance of breath, mantra, and meditation to not only repair the body but also recreate new patterns of thinking and being.

I will be writing more about my personal experiences with releasing from and balancing the energetic bodies. I would still be walking around with intense levels of toxic shame within me if it wasn't for this practice. No amount of writing or talking about my pain and shame could actually release it from me. That is why attention has to be given to the physical as well as the energetic bodies if there is going to be true full recovery of self.

My recovery does not stay in a box. I do not stay just with kundalini yoga nor do I stay just in a 12 step program.  A 12 step program offers a beautiful template for anyone to live life based on spiritual principles.  I utilize it to this day.  I just utilize many other tools also.  It is the 21st century and all things are shifting and changing.  There has to be new tools brought forth to assist in making our way through these changing times.

I believe strongly in moving the body to for greater awareness. The body holds all of our answers.  Every answer I seek is within me.  I just need to listen to which tool is going to help me listen.  That could be through dancing, yoga, biking, hiking, tai chi, etc.  I also believe art is of utmost importance to by pass the analytical left brain and get to the right brain where the world of symbolism, feelings, and the subconscious resides.  It is another tool that is invaluable on a path of recovery.  It is the quickest way to access the "inner child" and connect to stuffed down feelings, emotions, and memories.  They are both also fun ways to just shift your energy and mood!

In 2011 I developed workshop style classes utilizing tools of kundalini yoga combined with dancing, artwork, introspective exercises, and self-healing teachings.  These classes were basically an extension of all the work and tools that I utilized at some point in my process. A class that focused on self- love, self-worth, values, releasing inner anger, body image, connecting with the inner child, and much more.  I wanted to create a class that I would like to have attended myself.  A class that combined all of the above elements and created a space of time for people to go into a deeper place of awareness with self and release what was keeping them from building that self-love.

I believe recovery is for anyone who needs to bring back the pieces of self they gave away out of lack of self love.  It is not just for drug addicts or alcoholics.  I wanted to create a class for people who didn't necessarily need to go into a 12 step program or just didn't vibe with one and for those in a 12 step program.  A class that someone with no yoga experience could attend.  Trust me the classes are not just about yoga and I don't want to be viewed as just a yoga instructor.  It is just a small piece of the program and myself.

It has been close to six months since I have taught that class.  Since then I have been in treatment for trauma and literally rebirthing myself.  The past nine months have been some of the most confusing and darkest times of my life thus far.   I have gone to levels of depression, pain, shame, and sadness that I did not think I would have to go to again.  I thought I had worked on myself enough.  Why did I have to go through this again?  Why?

The why is because I made a commitment to myself to heal.  I have an incredible will to live even though sometimes I don't feel like it.  I know by going so intense into the work right now it will allow me to live the colorful life I was meant to for many years to come.  I deserve it.  Everybody deserves a colorful life.

So there you have it.  Recovery Rising is hope.  It is what comes through me from my process and from what my higher power wants me to share.  It is currently a blog and eventually will develop into workshops once more.  It is my personal journey to know my own inner power and sparkle. A building of my self love. My journey to create a life in color.  It is honesty, open mindedness, and willingness.  It is recovery tools for the 21st century.  It is looking within for the answers.

True power comes self-love.  When there is self-love it radiates all through the body and out into the world!

The Divine Feminine Rising Part 2: Holiday Gifts That No Amount Of Money Can Buy!

Yesterday I was visiting a dear friend and we were having a conversation over tea and cookies.  Over the course of the conversation we kept acknowledging similarities in our life stories.  She shared with me her experiences similar to the path of healing I have just embarked on and my current experiences have brought up issues in her life that she has found still need healed.  It was like one beautiful dance.  Honest. Open.  No Fear.  No Judgement.  Just one woman sharing with another.  One woman supporting another. One woman's presence healing the other.

Powerful.  Beautiful. Divine.



I shared in my last blog about what the Divine Feminine Energy is.  Now I would like share about how she has shown up in my life simply because I have been willing to acknowledge her.


There is no way I could move forward in my healing process without stepping out of my fear and boldly acknowledging the imbalance of this energy within me.  There is no way I could have survived the past couple of weeks without mustering the courage to reach out to women for support, advice, and a few embraces.


It is so important that women start reaching out to women more.  We live in a time where we are exploited more than ever through different venues.  We live with echoes of past generations of women who were exploited, beaten, burned, and every other horrid thing to keep us apart.  To keep the divine feminine energy watered down.  Have you experienced the power of one woman assisting another?  It is life changing.


Since acknowledging this imbalance within me and understanding it is her very energy that is going to restore me she has shown up outside of me in different ways to assist me with my healing within.....


The Divine Feminine Rises

Leave it to Kundalini Yoga to reveal the perfect yogic tool at the right time to assist me in my healing.  Why not?  It was Kundalini Yoga that has led to what I will lovingly refer to as my, "Holiday Meltdown of Epic Proportions."  The meltdown that is the direct result of  a White Tantric Yoga Meditation Day.  I  had set my intention on White Tantric Yoga Day to clear out all that was related to my root core issue of "I Don't Matter" so that I could heal and powerfully move forward in my life.

Oh my.  Do not mess with Kundalini Yoga or White Tantric Yoga if you do not want to heal and transform.  It will break you wide open if you are ready!

So now here I am. Utilizing another Kundalini Yoga meditation.  This one is being practiced by over 800,600 recorded people around the world for the next 40 days.  The meditation is for Honoring The Divine Feminine.  If anyone knows about or has practiced a Kundalini Yoga meditation then you know its effects usually begin to show up in your life right away.  Well, that is my experience anyways. 

          

In these past couple of weeks women have been kind enough to listen to me while I have been  in some of my darkest moments. They have been kind enough to say, "I am here to support you."  The divine feminine energy has been present during the moments I have reached out to support another woman as frozen as myself and let her know someone cares. It has been present when a woman has called just to ask how I am feeling and actually listens.  It has been present when I have called another woman just to ask how she is feeling and I actually listen.

I witness the powerful healing energy of the Divine Feminine on Wednesdays at Thistle Farms.  It is showing me first hand the power that is generated when women come together to uplift and heal, love, and support each other.  It is showing me women are not all against other women.  Women can truly love and care for one another. Thistle Farms and Magdalene House is proof of this.

She speaks through women's voices over the phone during the weekly book study, Finding Your Inner Wildflower: A Bookstudy with Christy Diane Farr, I attend.  The book is called, The Women Who Run With Wolves.  A book study where women come together to discuss a collection of centuries old oral stories passed down through different cultures and tribes revealing the mysteries, secrets, and powers we as women hold.  Stories that used to be passed down from generation to generation keeping the wild divine feminine energy alive. Teaching us of our sacred nature.  This sacred energy.

She recently showed up through the arms of my mother who embraced  and rocked me in her chair as we cried together over secrets revealed and hard truths told.  She allowed my mom to open up to me about growing up with her mother and her mothers mother. The Divine Feminine whispered, "I Love You" out of my moms lips into my ears as I melted into her bosom.  I understood for the first time so much more about my mother.

The Divine Feminine is showing up to assist in healing the trauma that has been frozen within my body from years of abuse.  Warrior women who have walked this path before me have just shown up in my life and invited me to their sacred space to offer their healing energies.  I am testifying that there is nothing more powerful than the support of a woman.

On October 22, 2011 just days after my last post at my other blog site, My Dreams are My Life, my world changed.  The foundation of my very existence shattered.  It is hard to believe it happened after already being on a healing path for 10 years.  It has been 35 years coming.  My foundation is not going to be rebuilt overnight or in a week or month.  It will be a process.  A journey.  I am making it day-to-day only by the beauty and support of women.  This is new.  This is different.  This is beautiful.  This is why I want to honor and share more about The Divine Feminine.

The greatest gifts I could receive for Christmas have already been given.  It may not feel the greatest, but, being returned to the truth of who I am is priceless.  Learning through other woman about the sacredness of the Divine Feminine cannot be boxed and wrapped.  Witnessing and experiencing the healing power of women is not something that can be placed under a tree.  Receiving a phone call and allowing myself to hugged by another woman cannot be put on my credit card.  No.  Human Kindness is the ultimate gift.

My deepest gratitude for the women who are in my life.

It is the Divine Feminine Energy that is going to bring the healing to this world it so desperately needs.  It is generous and needed to wish for the healing of the world and world peace and all that stuff that gets emphasized this time of year.  The collective intention does make a difference.....to a certain point.  What is truly the way the world is going to heal is if we first heal ourselves.  

This is the perfect week to really access that Divine Feminine Energy and share with another.


 It is the perfect time to nuture another.


 Allow yourself to receive as well as give.


It is the week of Winter Solstice. Call on this divine energy to assist you in allowing anything that does not serve you to die so that new may enter into your life.


Use this energy to dream the future you want as it is coming up on a new year.


Honor yourself.  All the qualites of the divine feminine.  Even if you can't feel these qualities or don't believe them -honor this energy that is creation itself!






Have a Divine Day!

A beautiful gift from a 6 yr old at Thistle Farms.  She asked me what my favorite color was.
A priceless reminder of innocence, joy, and love.